Have you ever had a day so bad at every point through that day you have wished you could just close your eyes so you can start tomorrow fresh? Well for me today was that day.
Not only did I wake up late because I slept through my alarm after being up and down all night with my 3 months old. I then couldn’t ‘go to the loo’ so felt like none of my clothes fit me. My clothes fit, I just felt so groggy and bloated that everything felt uncomfortable. This lead to me leaving my house late to travel with my little daughters (of course with them screaming in the background). This pushed me too far and unleashed my monster.
Now my monster is not my bad side, or extremely short tempter nor my irrational impatience. But it is anxiety, that ugly beast that haunts me. I suffered with it for a few years but I’ve had it under control for a while. This anxiety attack was not at all under control, I thought it was over within about 20 minutes. The usual (for me) can’t breathe and feeling as if I am suffocating in my own body but once I could breathe we were soon en route.
Apparently my monster was too, following me around like a stray cat that you just can’t shew away. As my day and its tormenting events escalated I found myself weeping, crying for no reason without even realising. On and off throughout the day it continued, all while I became more and more irritable.
I was zoning out when being spoken to and forgetting what I was saying mid-sentence. This is the first time in a long time my monster has stalked me all day. As if to just remind me it is still there and can jump out at any time.
Funny thing is we invest so much time trying to eradicate the belief in monsters and all these scary things in kids. When the truth is most people only find their monsters in adult life. It’s been a long day and just seemed like blogging was the best way to vent. If you have ever suffered from anxiety or any monster of your own maybe you can relate? If not, you sure are lucky.
Anyway enough of my ‘bad day,’ it’s time to unwind. A nice soak in the bath and off to tomorrow it is.