How To Keep Going When Life Is Against You.

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Have you ever felt like life is against you, and no matter what ‘bad’ things just keep on happening? It is so easy for a bad day to turn into bad week, month, year, you get the Gist.  Often we stay stuck in a rut, not because there is no way out, but we become so wrapped up in self-pity we choose not to look at the good. Or do anything to pull ourselves out of the rut.

Two and a half years ago, I was pregnant with my first child, had gestational diabetes and my mum was diagnosed with cancer. If that’s not bad enough exactly a month before I was due my mum passed away. The whole experience was intense my siblings and I who are super close, we’re now all separating and as we were all grieving in our own ways we isolated ourselves. People think loss brings people close, but it doesn’t! you can’t guess what your reaction will be when you lose someone so anything could happen.

This left me with a new baby, having an extremely hard time but putting on a brave face. I was being monitored for postnatal depression (postpartum if you’re American) and finding it hard to connect with my newborn. It was so hard finding the gusto to put on a smile and do the ‘cutesy’ mum things while dealing with grief. I felt like a failure, I had let my mum down as I was pregnant when she needed me. I let me siblings down as I was busy being a mum instead of helping them deal with what had happened. I let my partner down as I just became numb to everything and so disconnected. And I was letting my baby down, this poor innocent little girl who needed me.

This was how I felt, maybe not all of it is necessarily true but it is how I felt.  It all hit me hard and I became stuck in a rut, waking up every day not willing to do better because it was easier to block everything out and live in my own head. I developed anxiety attacks that caused me to blackout and I banged my head. After that I knew that I had to make the change, things were not just going to sort themselves out.

Tomorrow Is A New Beginning.

Every day is a chance to start again, those long days where it seems like life is getting on top of you, end when you go to sleep…. If you let them. You have to actively start fresh everyday. Begin each day without putting pressure on yourself but promising you will make it better than yesterday and eventually you start believing it.

Cause And Effect.

Positivity is contagious, but so is negativity. When you put out positive energy you attract it, and it is the same with negative energy. Even at your lowest there is something to be positive about. You are alive, that means tomorrow you get a second chance. We have all lost people in our lives and that should be motivation enough to keep going. People who know they are dying  think about all of the what ifs and how they would have changed things. You are living so you have the power to change things.

Self-Reliance.

More often than not we make excuses, why we were late, why things just ‘happen’ to us and why we cannot make changes. Once you accept responsibility for your own actions you are able to implicate the necessary changes. I am not in any way shape or form saying we are always at fault for circumstance, Not at all.  We cannot control the actions of others but we can control our own. It is great to have people who are ‘there for you’ but everyone has stuff going on in their own live. So it is important to find a way to function when only you can be there for yourself. When you are unable to be there for yourself it becomes easy to put blame on other people and not deal with what is really bothering you.

It’s been two and a half years, and I’m doing better, much better. I think I still have a lot to deal with but actively trying to do better has helped me so much. Hopefully this post will help you.

How do you get out of a rut?

 

-xFJx

 

 

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8 Comments

  1. 8th December 2016 / 10:49 pm

    I totally clicked on this thinking it was going to be one of those lists of things you can do to stay positive and keep going that feel like they’re written for clicks rather than being helpful. But wow…this wasn’t like that at all. What an honest and powerful post; it sounds like you went through a hell of a time but it’s so great to see a fighting spirit at the end of the post.

    I think that idea of letting yourself of the hook but remaining hopeful, relying on yourself but also realising you can’t be everything to everyone is sound advice.

    • itsfeliciajuliana
      8th December 2016 / 10:54 pm

      Thankyou so much, yeah I’ve read so many of those and think the ate really generic. I’m glad you liked it, it was a really crazy time but I learned a lot because of it. Thanks for reading ☺ xfjx

  2. 9th December 2016 / 4:35 pm

    Good on you gurrl!! Keep going…you’re doing great!! I feel like having that talk with yourself is definitely needed to get back to “normal” whatever that may be and literature putting things “to bed” every night helps us to not get too bogged down by circumstances.
    Definitely tried a more positive approach in the latter part of this year and I can say I think it’s working….we’ll see!!
    Great post x
    Thatgirlwiththecurl

    • itsfeliciajuliana
      9th December 2016 / 7:32 pm

      Thanks alot hun, yeah the putting things to bed helped me loads. Its so much easier to cope with day to day life that way in general. aww thanks for reading 🙂 xfjx

  3. 5th February 2017 / 11:08 pm

    Such a great post, so helpful. A positive attitude goes so far 🙂 sometimes just looking ahead, accepting and moving on does wonders. X

    • itsfeliciajuliana
      7th February 2017 / 4:29 pm

      Thanks so much for reading, it’s so true a positive attitude makes a world of difference:)xfjx

  4. 19th February 2017 / 9:06 pm

    Firstly l, I am so sorry for your loss and the hard time you went through at such a critical time in your life. I can totally relate to the fact that negativity is contagious just like positivity. This is so true! I’ve found that physical activity moving about can clear my mind but sometimes it’s hard even to do that. Good to hear you are feeling better!

    Amina xx | http://www.AliandHer.com

    • itsfeliciajuliana
      20th February 2017 / 2:50 pm

      I’ve heard physical activity is great but for me i can’t concentrate when i’m not mentally available. i really cant focus on much when my mind isn’t right. Thanks so much for reading xfjx

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